Other than friends, google had been a very good companion in my "moving on". And I have been browsing Wiki-How for quite a while now. Here are some of the lines that struck me:
Remember that you do not know everything yet.
If you struggle with what is, you'll hurt yourself.
Decide what you would like to do about it.
Remember it's not all about you.
Think about things like he doesn't deserve you and that he's a jerk who doesn't know what he had to begin with.
Somtimes cry it out to get it out of your system
Understand that there will be good and bad times.
If still you feel disappointed tell yourself "If I didn't get this than obviously there will be somthing better for me."
Focus
Keep your awareness up
If the thought didn't leave, manipulate the thought
For feelings - ask yourself, “What benefit is this particular thought/feeling?"
Learn to let go
Give yourself time.
You might be surprised to find that very often at the beginning of the thought chain is a simple "wanting".
It is easy to get attached to the blissful and happy feelings, but these come and go, we can't peg our mind on that standard in the hope it will stay there, you can however use these feelings as a point of reference to both develop and calm the mind down.
Nothing is permanent - Always remember, nothing is permanent in this mortal world
Can't help but admit, I'm beginning to turn to Dr. Google for advice... which is.. err.. not conventional and at times not reliable. However, I am desperate to forget and to fill up my minds of any words that would make me forget and be back to normal.
However, I know that things may end and I am hoping that that end will be soon. I have seen myself cope up with situation like this, and I can't see why I cannot go through it now. I felt that though this time, it is too much for me to handle.
Day 4 and counting. I wonder how long this chain would go on.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Day 3: Realization
And for 3 days of almost free of the drug I have been taking for the past few months, I was left with no choice but to look at the hole, hoping for something to come out. Lo and behold, something came out, surprisingly.
These past two days of abstinence made me realized something. That I, who have not been indulging for such for the last xx years, can live a day without such enticement. I have a perfectly normal life, having a perfectly normal desires, even before this came to me. So what would it be if I didn't have such powerstone in me?!
Tsk..tsk.. sometimes, we just have to wake up from our dream. Not all things are reality. Not all things are beneficial.
I am expecting that I'll be back on the road. It might not be days from now, it can take weeks, and even months. But I am sure that eventually, things will look better again, as they were before.
This is day 3, and it starts from realizations.
These past two days of abstinence made me realized something. That I, who have not been indulging for such for the last xx years, can live a day without such enticement. I have a perfectly normal life, having a perfectly normal desires, even before this came to me. So what would it be if I didn't have such powerstone in me?!
Tsk..tsk.. sometimes, we just have to wake up from our dream. Not all things are reality. Not all things are beneficial.
I am expecting that I'll be back on the road. It might not be days from now, it can take weeks, and even months. But I am sure that eventually, things will look better again, as they were before.
This is day 3, and it starts from realizations.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day 2: Withdrawal
I'm in the process of withdrawal. Looking for it, hoping for it, and yet, it never came.
I got tired of watching that hole to give me what I needed for the day.
Even for just a small piece of that something I have been longing for.
But, it seems that it's better not expecting anymore. It's something I can never have. It's something I never deserve.
I shouldn't have let myself indulge, it is something too good to be true. In the first few days, it was sweet.. It was abundant. However, days come by, the supply lasts. And, my indulgence with it as well.
And now, I'm here. Hoping for more. It's like a drug that make you want more. Getting weaker and weaker as I look for more, hope for more. But they end, and they did.
I should go back to where I was. To how I was. To those days when I was not dependent. When I was still strong When I was going by the day without worries.
I should withdraw. This will be day two.
I got tired of watching that hole to give me what I needed for the day.
Even for just a small piece of that something I have been longing for.
But, it seems that it's better not expecting anymore. It's something I can never have. It's something I never deserve.
I shouldn't have let myself indulge, it is something too good to be true. In the first few days, it was sweet.. It was abundant. However, days come by, the supply lasts. And, my indulgence with it as well.
And now, I'm here. Hoping for more. It's like a drug that make you want more. Getting weaker and weaker as I look for more, hope for more. But they end, and they did.
I should go back to where I was. To how I was. To those days when I was not dependent. When I was still strong When I was going by the day without worries.
I should withdraw. This will be day two.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day 1: Recovery
There are like powerstones for me, what makes the dull day bright, what makes me perk up during the night.
However, just like other normal tangible piece of item, things just don't come to you everyday.
No matter how hard you look at that hole, waiting for that stone to fall on to your hands.
No matter how hard you wish that things would still be the same as yesterday.
Things just end. It needs to start somewhere, and end somewhere out there.
I notice one thing though, we human beings have the tendency to be attached to something. We know inside that things are just aren't forever, save diamonds (kidding). Despite that realization, why would we still cling on to that? Why would we still waste our precious energy, time, and effort for that certain something that doesn't guarantee you lifetime service? Is temporary happiness that important compared to our energies, time, and effort?
I know things have a cycle. And I know this anticipation would eventually turn to its end. And just like my powerstones, there would come a day wherein they will not come to me anymore.
I give up. This is step one.
However, just like other normal tangible piece of item, things just don't come to you everyday.
No matter how hard you look at that hole, waiting for that stone to fall on to your hands.
No matter how hard you wish that things would still be the same as yesterday.
Things just end. It needs to start somewhere, and end somewhere out there.
I notice one thing though, we human beings have the tendency to be attached to something. We know inside that things are just aren't forever, save diamonds (kidding). Despite that realization, why would we still cling on to that? Why would we still waste our precious energy, time, and effort for that certain something that doesn't guarantee you lifetime service? Is temporary happiness that important compared to our energies, time, and effort?
I know things have a cycle. And I know this anticipation would eventually turn to its end. And just like my powerstones, there would come a day wherein they will not come to me anymore.
I give up. This is step one.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Life is a beach
I take that line a little literal though.
I met with a former churchmate who moved to Okinawa, the southernmost part of Japan. She was telling us her family's everyday life.
How they would get their lunch or dinner from farmers farming around their area.
How a horse was given to them as if a stray cat is being handed to them.
How picking up your child can be finished in 10 mins.
How time seems insignificant yet significant tasks are completed.
How the beach is just 10 minutes by foot from their house.
I was with a friend that time when we were listening to this story. We both have the same thing in mind. That life that was presented to us made us look at and review our own lives. Made us think if the life we have right now is what we really want to have still years from now.
Working until the wee hours of the night.
Feeling that things never finish. That if you try finishing them, you are limited by time.
That things seems to be so unstable.
When life seems to be so complicated.
I used to have a life that is almost Okinawa. And I remember now why I tried to hold on my position there for 2 years. I like the simpleness of the place. How everything seem to go on slowly. And how I am only 45mins by bike to the nearest beach.
I still miss that life. And I think I will forever hope for that kind of life. And I am having second thought about my life right now again.
I don't know if it is coincidence but every time I am in a point where I think I'm in a dead end, a lot of options come to me. Like work is very tough in the office. I have a lot of negative thoughts because of that. Worried that I might loose my job, or have to endure the pain of job hunting. But here and there opportunities come, unexpectedly...
or maybe it's planned?
I don't know..
But I know it means that there is hope, and it isn't time to move on unless you are sure that you can step your feet forward again. It is my dream to have a life near the beach, but I think that seemed to be dim as of this moment.
I met with a former churchmate who moved to Okinawa, the southernmost part of Japan. She was telling us her family's everyday life.
How they would get their lunch or dinner from farmers farming around their area.
How a horse was given to them as if a stray cat is being handed to them.
How picking up your child can be finished in 10 mins.
How time seems insignificant yet significant tasks are completed.
How the beach is just 10 minutes by foot from their house.
I was with a friend that time when we were listening to this story. We both have the same thing in mind. That life that was presented to us made us look at and review our own lives. Made us think if the life we have right now is what we really want to have still years from now.
Working until the wee hours of the night.
Feeling that things never finish. That if you try finishing them, you are limited by time.
That things seems to be so unstable.
When life seems to be so complicated.
I used to have a life that is almost Okinawa. And I remember now why I tried to hold on my position there for 2 years. I like the simpleness of the place. How everything seem to go on slowly. And how I am only 45mins by bike to the nearest beach.
I still miss that life. And I think I will forever hope for that kind of life. And I am having second thought about my life right now again.
I don't know if it is coincidence but every time I am in a point where I think I'm in a dead end, a lot of options come to me. Like work is very tough in the office. I have a lot of negative thoughts because of that. Worried that I might loose my job, or have to endure the pain of job hunting. But here and there opportunities come, unexpectedly...
or maybe it's planned?
I don't know..
But I know it means that there is hope, and it isn't time to move on unless you are sure that you can step your feet forward again. It is my dream to have a life near the beach, but I think that seemed to be dim as of this moment.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy New Year!! From The Other Side Of The World
It's almost New Year here and here I am in front of the computer, spending this days as if it's just like other days. It's New Year but people here are already sleeping by 10pm. If I were back home, I would smell the firecrackers, the cocoa drink that my mom would always make for New Year. Hotdogs, sausages, and some bread. For some reason, we would always have these stuff during that time of the year.
My time here is going to an end as well. I have less than a week to be here and be back at work (which really sucks). I have been through this before and I can say, staying here still gives me the same reaction towards the life that I have left before going here. I really feel like not going back. It's like I am in a life that I think is meant for me but I know reality is not really that.
I was recalling how I saw my 2009 in this blog entry. Let's see how I did this year.
1. As for my vow to be a traveler, my traveling adventures had not been busy this year. For 1, lack of companion, 2, too much social life in the city. But still, I was able to put this in my travel list for this year: Spring in Kyoto, Kobe. Taipei. Kawaguchi-ko in Yamanashi. I hope next year I would add more to this list. If it weren't because of my family issues, I would be going to Hokkaido as well. Oh maybe next year.
2. Masters, as planned to be pursued last year, was cancelled. And now I am thinking if I have to pursue it or not.
3. I'm back to being a real slave. If last year I have too much time on my hands, this year I can't even find time to watch even the news!
4. New friends, new life, and I'm a city girl!
As the year starts again, and again, as I start making list of all the things I want to change/accomplish for the next year, I'm starting to think that it's beginning to be not useful to make a list. It just didn't push through anyway! Haha..
But I think the highlight of this year would be finally deciding where I would really be, unless something happened again (I tend to change my plans when things go wrong or something comes up). I hope I would still to it until the rest of the year!
Happy Year 2011 to all!!
and yes, I will get old again.. Shesh..
My time here is going to an end as well. I have less than a week to be here and be back at work (which really sucks). I have been through this before and I can say, staying here still gives me the same reaction towards the life that I have left before going here. I really feel like not going back. It's like I am in a life that I think is meant for me but I know reality is not really that.
I was recalling how I saw my 2009 in this blog entry. Let's see how I did this year.
1. As for my vow to be a traveler, my traveling adventures had not been busy this year. For 1, lack of companion, 2, too much social life in the city. But still, I was able to put this in my travel list for this year: Spring in Kyoto, Kobe. Taipei. Kawaguchi-ko in Yamanashi. I hope next year I would add more to this list. If it weren't because of my family issues, I would be going to Hokkaido as well. Oh maybe next year.
2. Masters, as planned to be pursued last year, was cancelled. And now I am thinking if I have to pursue it or not.
3. I'm back to being a real slave. If last year I have too much time on my hands, this year I can't even find time to watch even the news!
4. New friends, new life, and I'm a city girl!
As the year starts again, and again, as I start making list of all the things I want to change/accomplish for the next year, I'm starting to think that it's beginning to be not useful to make a list. It just didn't push through anyway! Haha..
But I think the highlight of this year would be finally deciding where I would really be, unless something happened again (I tend to change my plans when things go wrong or something comes up). I hope I would still to it until the rest of the year!
Happy Year 2011 to all!!
and yes, I will get old again.. Shesh..
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Anger Management
How do you manage your anger?
I remember when I was a kid. When anger strikes me, I would silent until anger dissolves. Though sometimes, I can get really angry, but that rarely happens to me. Most of the time, I would use writing in trashing out all the negative vibes that is in me (it's quite evident in this blog). I would feel so bad sharing what I am angry about to another person (feels like stabbing the real subject on his/her back). And after that, guilt comes, and I would feel so bad about it.
As age comes to me, I think my anger management improves. Whenever I feel anger, I would try my best to block it off my mind.. until I completely forget about it. I try not to pour the anger out to other people and try to be as cool as I can.
One reason why we are angry, in my opinion, is that we want to be treated equally. We get angry sometimes because we feel that the expectation that we had on someone or something was not met (just my observation on myself though, I know there are a lot of sources of anger out there). But the thing is, situations or things or person can never satisfy you in one way or another because it's just how the world works.
So you'll probably be thinking, I am writing this because I am angry. Yes indeed, I am angry.. but I am using a different approach for it haha.. analyzing my situation rather than focusing on it.. (well, this statement is rather ironic since when you analyze, you have to focus on the thing right haha.. ) Anyway, I wish I could just forget about it and be okay with it. I keep on thinking of ways to get even but I know there are other better stuff to focus on. You are not the only one in the world who experiences such misfortune, so no need to be so pitiful.
I wish we could have a lid on our head so that we can just take out all the negative thoughts there easily with our own hands. That would save us a lot of time, don't you think??
I remember when I was a kid. When anger strikes me, I would silent until anger dissolves. Though sometimes, I can get really angry, but that rarely happens to me. Most of the time, I would use writing in trashing out all the negative vibes that is in me (it's quite evident in this blog). I would feel so bad sharing what I am angry about to another person (feels like stabbing the real subject on his/her back). And after that, guilt comes, and I would feel so bad about it.
As age comes to me, I think my anger management improves. Whenever I feel anger, I would try my best to block it off my mind.. until I completely forget about it. I try not to pour the anger out to other people and try to be as cool as I can.
One reason why we are angry, in my opinion, is that we want to be treated equally. We get angry sometimes because we feel that the expectation that we had on someone or something was not met (just my observation on myself though, I know there are a lot of sources of anger out there). But the thing is, situations or things or person can never satisfy you in one way or another because it's just how the world works.
So you'll probably be thinking, I am writing this because I am angry. Yes indeed, I am angry.. but I am using a different approach for it haha.. analyzing my situation rather than focusing on it.. (well, this statement is rather ironic since when you analyze, you have to focus on the thing right haha.. ) Anyway, I wish I could just forget about it and be okay with it. I keep on thinking of ways to get even but I know there are other better stuff to focus on. You are not the only one in the world who experiences such misfortune, so no need to be so pitiful.
I wish we could have a lid on our head so that we can just take out all the negative thoughts there easily with our own hands. That would save us a lot of time, don't you think??
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Challenging Myself
One problem I have is that when I think about something grand, let's say one morning, it becomes an addiction to me. A thought that was decided within a minute of time. A thought I think would be the best among the best. After that thought, my mind becomes polluted with it. And then, the planning continues and ends until I find it tiring. It's always just a hype at the start. It's never getting farther anywhere from there. And it's really frustrating.
There are so many times that I considered changing my career, taking a very long vacation, and just take time to find myself where I would like to see myself in the future. I mean, the thought of change is already there, but the details of it is still undecided. Before the end of last year, I decided I want to study International Relations because of my addiction to Korean War. It lasted a few months. I even wasted $300 because of that addiction. And then I realized, I might be forcing myself to do something after I lose my previous job. I thought, who would hire an IT professional with a long break in programming. So there, I planned, but failed in the end.
And then, with some unknown miracle, I found a company that wanted me despite of my nearing technical skill "depreciation". And thought, this will be my bridge to earning money and doing my previous plan, which was to study. But the job I got demanded so much from me, that I find myself so drained that the strength I should be using in planning was just flushed into the toilet. I found myself immersed in my job.. and my time being eaten.. and I end up being lost. I found myself at the beginning once again.
Just recently, another thought came to my mind. I know, if someone who is close to me and knows my plans before hears me out today, he/she will just laugh at me and say "what do you really want to do with your life!?". I don't want to say that everything I am feeling about this plan is new (because I cant remember how I was when I was planning my plans before). But the plan is completely different.. And, I feel excited about it. Haha..
And now, since I became successful with my 1 month challenge, I plan to do the same thing with my current plan. I know, I am kind of lazy. SO, in order to inject that planning into my normal habit, I decided, if I do the same thing for a month, then I would be able to just do everything nice and natural.
SO again, I have to do the countdown. Starting .. NOW!
There are so many times that I considered changing my career, taking a very long vacation, and just take time to find myself where I would like to see myself in the future. I mean, the thought of change is already there, but the details of it is still undecided. Before the end of last year, I decided I want to study International Relations because of my addiction to Korean War. It lasted a few months. I even wasted $300 because of that addiction. And then I realized, I might be forcing myself to do something after I lose my previous job. I thought, who would hire an IT professional with a long break in programming. So there, I planned, but failed in the end.
And then, with some unknown miracle, I found a company that wanted me despite of my nearing technical skill "depreciation". And thought, this will be my bridge to earning money and doing my previous plan, which was to study. But the job I got demanded so much from me, that I find myself so drained that the strength I should be using in planning was just flushed into the toilet. I found myself immersed in my job.. and my time being eaten.. and I end up being lost. I found myself at the beginning once again.
Just recently, another thought came to my mind. I know, if someone who is close to me and knows my plans before hears me out today, he/she will just laugh at me and say "what do you really want to do with your life!?". I don't want to say that everything I am feeling about this plan is new (because I cant remember how I was when I was planning my plans before). But the plan is completely different.. And, I feel excited about it. Haha..
And now, since I became successful with my 1 month challenge, I plan to do the same thing with my current plan. I know, I am kind of lazy. SO, in order to inject that planning into my normal habit, I decided, if I do the same thing for a month, then I would be able to just do everything nice and natural.
SO again, I have to do the countdown. Starting .. NOW!
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